Glad to see you go 2011....

I opened my facebook account in January 2011 and just went back and viewed all of the posts that I made throughout the whole year....needless to say it was quite interesting. Most notably, I lost my last grandparent, Grandmama and I lost my "first baby", my dog, Randy this year. Some friendships ended, new ones were formed, and old friendships were made new again.  I became an aunt again this year to my nephew, Tizer and strengthened my relationship with my oldest nieces, Eve & Molly.  This year I started writing again, which is something I always cherished and I am hoping to improve on my writing skills in the upcoming year.  I have started exercising and running again.  This year, my son has grown and developed into a fine little boy.  He learned his alphabet and learned to count, he learned how to swim and of course, his driving skills improved greatly.  I learned this year that marriage and parenting are the two most complicated, difficult commitments humanly possible but most rewarding at the same time.  I learned a lot about people that I didn't realize, saw different sides of people I didn't know lied within.  My eyes were opened this year to some good things, to some bad.  I found courage within myself that I wasn't sure was there and feel fearless heading into the upcoming year.   Though at times, I lost perspective, lost faith, I realize tonight that I have many, many blessings in my life and I hope and pray to continue to be blessed in the new year.  I hope the new year brings me less loss than this one, more happiness, more love, more friends, more peace than the one before.  So with that, I'll end with a quote by Benjamin Franklin:

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each New Year find you a better person.

Happy New Year!

Stop this train....

No, I'm not color blind....I know the world is black and white.
Try to keep an open mind but...I just can't sleep on this tonight.

Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go.
One generation's length away, from fighting life out on my own.

Stop this train....I want to get off and go home again.
I can't take the speed it's moving in.
I know I can't....but honestly, won't someone stop this train.

So scared of getting older....I'm only good at being young.
So I play the numbers game to find a way to say that life has just begun.
Had a talk with my old man...said help me understand...
He said "turn 68, you'll renegotiate."
"Don't stop this train....Don't for a minute change the place you're in....
Don't think I couldn't ever understand....I tried my hand.
John, honestly, we'll never stop this train."

See, once in a while when it's good....It'll feel like it should...
And they're all still around...
And you're still safe and sound...
And you don't miss a thing...'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Stop this train....I want to get off and go home again.
I can't take this speed it's moving in.
I know I can't....cause now I see I'll never stop this train.

By: John Mayer

Childhood memories....

My parents divorced when I was 5 and I mostly got to visit my father on the weekends and holidays.  My brother & I usually stayed most of our school vacations with him and most of the summer.  I miss his old house so much, especially this time of the year.  It was in Fincastle and down a long dirt road.  It was placed on a huge farm, complete with barns, silos, an old grave yard, pond, etc.  This place was old but completely magical.  The front had a field that presented some of the most stunning sunsets.  The trees were huge and bold, surrounding the house.  There was a patch of yard off the front porch that produced hundreds of four leaf clovers over the years.  I can recall sitting in the cool grass in the summer heat filtering them out one by one.  There were irises that surrounded the house and in spring, the smell was so sweet in the warm air. I still have some of the bulbs from those irises and it instantly takes me back there when I smell them now. There was hammock in the back yard, and a small, wild strawberry patch under it.  There were wild rose bushes, apple trees, and the dirt in the driveway was so fine, more so than even baby powder, it nearly disintegrated when you rubbed it between your fingers. 

When we were kids, my dad had an old orange Jeep that we used for romping around on the property.  We would drive around in the woods in the winter until we found the tree that would be our twinkling Christmas idol for that season.  It was so much fun, such an adventure, that I will never forget and it's one of those occasions that if I could go back in time, it's one I would do again in a heart beat.

It was such a beautiful landscape, especially when it snowed.  My dad loved taking pictures and when it would snow we would all wrap up and venture off while he took pictures of what had been created for us to enjoy.  It just doesn't seem to snow like it used to back then, nothing is as it was back then.  It remember feeling like we were in our own world there, it was safe and fun and it's heart breaking to think that place is no longer there.  Thankfully we have pictures and memories and I can close my eyes and see every picture on the wall, feel every creak of the floor beneath my feet, feel the smoothness of the handrail at the stairs, and can still smell the fire burning in the stove.  That place was old but magical, it was home, like no other home I have ever known since. 

Catch up....

I didn't realize just how much time has passed since I last wrote.  To put it lightly, things have been completely hectic.  But we have been trying to do our normal holiday preparations.  We have had pictures taken with Santa, had breakfast with Santa, saw Santa in the Christmas parade, talked to Santa on the telephone, watched Santa in movies....pretty much all things Santa.  My son is completely thrilled about Christmas and I am realizing that in just a few days the bribery of what I will tell Santa, or what Santa will see, will be coming to an end, which saddens me but I have just about exhausted that threat anyway.  So I guess it all works out in the end.  I am anxiously waiting to see Brody first thing Christmas morning!  I'm hoping that some of that youthful joy and Christmas magic rubs off on me, because I sure could use it these days!!

Day # 30

I made it! Thirty days of thankfulness!  Tonight, I am thankful that tomorrow is the beginning of December, the most fun month of the year!  My son is so excited about Christmas and I am equally as excited to share everything about Christmas with him.  I am looking forward to decorating our tree, going to look at Christmas lights, making cookies for Santa, everything!!  Brody looks at everything with his eyes wide open and so innocently.  There are no signs of regret or sadness.  I get a little envious sometimes when I see the pureness in his eyes because I would do anything to be that free and peaceful again.  He talks about Rudolph and Santa like he has known them for years and he believes in them whole heartedly.  It's just so sweet.  It reminds me of this song....."Don't ever grow up" by Taylor Swift.  I just heard this song for the first time yesterday.  I could relate as a woman...and I could relate as a mother....

http://youtu.be/da0JBKlyu8Q

Day # 29

Today I am thankful that this month is almost over, because I've got to hand it to you, posting something every day has been a challenge!  But it did make me stop for just a bit to think about what I am thankful for and for that in itself I am thankful.  There were many things that I thought of that I didn't post about but I did realize that I appreciate them none the less. 

I'm learning that you truly never know what the future holds, you just have to have faith.  I'm not too proud to admit that I've lost faith from time to time, but something always happens that tends to pull me back around.  I believe in fate and believe that God surrounds you with exactly the people that you need in your life at exactly the time you need them. I am so thankful for my family, that supports me and loves without judgement and friends that are as equal in my heart as my family.  Even on my worse day, things could always be much worse......I am completely thankful that they are not....

Day # 28

There is no time that my world is more at peace than when my son is asleep in my arms. I know there will come a day when the sound of my heartbeat will not send my son off to his slumber.  And though at times it seems as a burden, having to lay with him for him to sleep, I know one day that all will end.  As I reflect on the past few years, how he is ever changing, how fast this life is moving by, I realize that in just a few short years I will be saying how I wished he would let me hold him in my arms, how I wish that he could fit in my arms again.  Today I am so thankful for these moments as a mother that only I can share with my son.

Day # 27

Today I am thankful for two things....first thing I am thankful for the beautiful weather this weekend, because I was able to get my Christmas decorations put up outside and that totally made Brody's weekend!

Secondly, I am thankful that I only spent $8.00 on this gingerbread house....it looked great in the beginning, but then slowly it all started sliding apart.  Plus, Brody kept eating all the candy and that's never a good idea.  Brody was happy with our gingerbread house and that is really all that matters.

Day # 26

Today I am thankful for the time that I got to spend with my nieces, Eve & Molly, this evening at dinner.  It's just amazes me how quickly they have grown from little toddlers to teenagers.  They used to talk about the Littlest Pet Shop animals and now they talk about boys and bullies.  They have grown into sweet, loving young ladies and I am so proud of them both.  It frightens me to think of the speed in which it seems they have matured into young ladies when I relate it to my son.  Right now he is so excited about Santa Claus and snow and to think of him being their age in the short time it seemed to have taken the girls to get there....terrifies me.  It seems like I was just at my nieces first birthday party, seems like Brody was just born, seems like I was just a child myself, excited for Santa to come.  In this fast paced world...I'm thankful for realizing you have got to slow down and notice the world that is growing right in front of your eyes.

Day # 25

Today, I am thankful for this little spot of sunshine.....

Day # 24

Today I am thankful for on-line shopping because there is no way I would ever be camping out at Best-Buy (or any store for that matter) for just the chance to possibly save money on a t.v.!  Being snuggled up on the couch in my pajamas watching Elf is much more appealing that strong arming a bunch of crazed holiday shoppers!  Unless they were giving away a complete installation of a movie theatre in my home or a brand new house or my son's college tuition....no way I'm standing in line for hours.

Day # 23

Most of my childhood holiday memories are of shifting between two places for the holidays.  The day after I graduated high school I left home only to be taken in by my husband's grandparents.  His Grandmama wasn't your average, sweet, fragile grandmother.  She had spunk and was as honest as the day was long.  If you got a hair cut and she didn't like it...she would tell you.  If you got two helpings of dessert...she would tell you exactly where on your body that dessert was going to land.  She was brutally honest at times but at others she was the mother I needed. 
She loved most to cook for her family, especially at the holidays.  She invited me into her kitchen so many years ago to help her prepare the holiday meal for her family, teaching me her ways of setting the table, arranging dishes, etc.  It was a task I didn't take lightly and every holiday after that I was her comrade in arms. Every holiday, dancing around each other in the kitchen, smiling with pride as everyone settled into their over flowing plates of food.  Grandaddy would come in to carve the ham or turkey and he would slip me a piece that "didn't look that good" and we would laugh with our cheeks full of meat while Grandmama yelled at us for sneaking.  We both cried the morning she handed me the electric knife to carve the turkey after Grandaddy passed away a few weeks before Thanksgiving.
 
I came to cherish that time, just with her, in the kitchen doing what she loved best.  It reminded me of being in the kitchen with my Granny as a child, helping her cook.  My Granny was more advanced in age when I became an adult but she instilled the love of cooking in me at an early age and it was nice to get to continue that on with Grandmama.  It is especially hard now, going to her home, empty and cold, preparing the table settings and the food with out her there.  This is only the second holiday without her and I am finding that I am missing her terribly.  We didn't always have the best relationship, but we were always smiling and laughing together in the kitchen for the holidays.  So today I am most thankful for all those years, all the holidays I got to spend with Grandmama in the kitchen, just us two.

Day # 22

Today I realized that one year tomorrow one of my dearest high school friends was killed in a car accident.  She was one of my best friends from the minute I started high school.  We learned to drive together, sneak out together, went to prom together, cheered together, graduated together....everything about high school that was fun, Denise was there, in every memory.  She was always positive, always laughing, always smiling, that was just Denise.  It was such a tragedy that her life was taken so young, so quickly, so unexpectedly.  She was married and a mother, I was completely devastated to think about their loss.  It's hard to believe that it's been a year already.  I think about her family, her parents, her husband, her children with a heavy heart this Thanksgiving.  So today, I am thankful for the all years, the laughs, the memories I shared with Denise....my high school experience would not have been the same without her.

Day # 21

Today I am thankful for my son's unique way of making a song his own......

"You better watch out....you better not cry....bum bum bum, and a rum a tum tum....Santa Claus is coming to town.....He knows when you've been good.....He knows when you've been bad....so you better be good or he will spank you...for goodness sake."

Day # 20

Today I took Brody to meet Santa at the mall.  I know it's a bit early, but we were meeting my mom to eat lunch and do a little shopping and I knew Santa would be there so I decided to dress Brody up and just see how it went.  Brody was quite eager to see Ole St. Nick and wasn't scared to talk to him.  When Santa asked him what he wanted, he replied "I would like that tool set with the drill from Big Lots!"  After Santa stopped laughing, he asked if there was anything else he would like for Christmas, to which Brody replied "No, just the tool set from Big Lots, that's all!" So today I am thankful that my son has inherited my frugal shopping sense!

Day # 19

Manicure/Pedicure.................................$60
Lunch at El Gran Rodeo........................$  8
Two Breaking Dawn Movie Tickets.....$18
Having the most FUN girls day EVER......PRICELESS!!!!

Today, I am thankful for this day!

Day # 18

Today was a rough one, but tomorrow I have plans that have been in place since last year at this time.  So tonight, I am thankful for the always present promise that tomorrow will be a better day.

Day # 17

Today I am thankful for this.....

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and sharing a life. And you learn that love doesn't mean possession and company doesn't mean security. And loneliness is universal. And you learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.... And you learn to build your hope on today as the future has a way of falling apart in mid-flight. Because tomorrow's ground can be too uncertain for plans, yet each step taken in a new direction creates a path toward the promise of a brighter dawn. And you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much, so you plant your own garden and nourish your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that love, True love, always has joys and sorrows, seems ever present, yet is never quite the same; becoming more than love and less than love, so difficult to define. And you learn that through it all you really can endure, that you really are strong, that you do have value. And you learn and grow with every goodbye. You learn. - Veronica Shoffstall

Day # 16

Today I am thankful for Santa!!  I am thankful that Brody is old enough to understand what Santa will do for him, and that he has to behave for Santa to visit!  I love getting to say "I sure hope Santa just didn't see you do that....." or "I better give Santa a call to tell him that you are being bad right now..." It invokes fear in my child like nothing else! 

Day # 15

Today I am thankful because Brody didn't take a nap at his nanna's and he completely zonked out early!  I had all night to relax and watched "Eclipse" for the 3rd time this week!

Day # 14

Today I am thankful for my mother for getting Brody these pajamas....because according to Brody....they make him "run like lighting!"

Day # 13

Today I decided I would take my little man to Burger King uptown to eat lunch and let him play in the play land (or whatever you call it).  Well, it was packed, I wavered on going in but he was determined to go and play so we went in despite my germophobias.  Right when we were finished eating, I looked up and saw a toddler with two huge scratches on her face and her mother carrying her back to their table.  I didn't think much about it at the time because I was cleaning up our table and getting ready to go in and let Brody run wild. As soon as I open the door to this so called fun land, I hear a woman (probably in her 40's) in the corner drop the "F" bomb.  Now, I'm not talking about in normal conversation, this woman is yelling, like ready to fight, yelling.  At her table are two pre-teens, two children between maybe 5-8, and a baby in a baby carrier.  I look to see who she is yelling at and it's a woman across the room, in her 30's, with the scratched face toddler, and a baby.  Apparently, the son of the "F" bomber scratched the other woman's daughter and she had made a comment about it, something to the effect of "keep control of your child".  Anyway, the "F" bomber was completely ridiculous, I was ready to punch her myself, when her pre-teen daughter tried to walk the little boy over to apologize, the "F" bomber goes wild screaming and orders her daughter back over.  They all herd themselves out, obscenities all the way.  Then she comes rushing back in, looking for the lists of rules, (which I'm still confused about that, because I'm pretty sure they were the one's breaking all the rules...) and she has the nerve to walk right in behind the younger woman (who's child was injured by her son) and bumped her chair.  I was completely flabbergasted!  Then about 20 minutes later, we go to leave, and I find the "F" bomber and her brood waiting in the parking lot in their car, windows down, still yelling!  Tempted to call the police, I go back inside to tell the other mother that that lunatic was waiting outside and to be prepared.  She shrugged her shoulders, smiled and said "doesn't bother me".  So today, I am thankful that Brody ran immediately to start climbing and missed the whole thing and I am MOST thankful that I was not the one the "F" bomber was yelling at because I'm not sure I could have held my composure!

Day # 12

Today, I am most thankful for the long awaited arrival of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" DVD!  My son is finally getting to the point that he will watch a movie while trying to fall asleep.  We have for two weeks every night watched "Tangled" and with the holidays quickly approaching, I thought it would be a good idea to go ahead and order "Frosty the Snowman" and "Rudolph".  The frosty DVD arrived quickly, but it is only 30 minutes long, so we have watched Frosty two or three times every night for the last week.  So, I am very thankful for the new movie tonight.  I just hope he doesn't get so excited for the new movie that he is up even longer because he wants to watch the entire movie!!

Day # 11

Today, I am most thankful for laughter being the best medicine.  Last evening, I had my friend and her children over for spaghetti and a movie and the kids played while the mommies laughed and it was just plain fun.  It was a great relaxing evening full of laughter and smiles and that really does a body good.  I forgot just how nice it feels to laugh so hard your cheeks actually hurt.

Day # 10

I would to apologize for the brief interruption in my blogging, I did post my Day # 9 on my facebook page, so I have not failed in my daily thankfulness challenge. 

Today, I am most thankful for my friends.  Now, I'm not talking about the 300 facebook friends that I never talk to or see.  I'm talking about the few true friends that I have, that know me, the me that sometimes lurks beneath the surface.  The one, that with just one look knows exactly what I am thinking or feeling.  The one, that despite she is one the other side of the country, always seems to send me a text right when I need her. The one that makes me laugh, even days after the joke has been told.   I truly believe that the heavens send you who you need at certain points in your life, to get through the tough times, to teach you new things, to share life's moments and make new memories.  I cherish these friendships and seriously couldn't imagine my life without them.  I recently found a quote that reads "Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." If this is true, then I have a very small solar system of friends in my world and I am completely happy with that and wouldn't want it any other way.  

Day # 8

So, I was thinking of starting this off by saying that I am thankful that I didn't smack, punch, stab, kick, or run over anyone today, but then thought that might sound a bit harsh.  I'm really not a violent person, for the most part.  Then, I was thinking that I was thankful that I was so mentally and emotionally exhausted, that on the way home from work, I didn't burst into full blown road rage because the older gentleman driving in front of me in his Cadillac, talking on his cellphone, was going 15 mph under the speed limit.  After that, I wasn't really sure that I was thankful for anything today.  Then I was disappointed in myself for feeling that way because as soon as Brody saw me, he smiled so genuinely at me, that within that second, all the pains of the day melted away.  So with that, I am thankful for that moment that Brody brought me back to down to earth and I realized that I am the luckiest woman in the world to have that little boy love me like he does.

Day # 7

With Election Day tomorrow, I am thankful for all the women who stood up for what they believed in and fought for the right for women to vote so long ago. I would like to think that if I was around during that time, that I would have been right there in the midst of it all.  I couldn't imagine knowing that I could not vote tomorrow just because I am a woman.  I have voted in every election since I turned 18 and I encourage everyone with some knowledge of the actual issues to take advantage of this great right and go vote tomorrow.
On the other hand, I am equally thankful that tomorrow is Election Day because I have never in my life received so many phone calls and flyers, or seen so many political ads and signs.  I have never voted for someone because of their yard signs or television ad.  Are politicians actually counting on ignorant people to show up at the polls tomorrow and vote because they liked the sign with pretty stars on it?  Probably so, which doesn't say very much, but I would be much more inclined to vote for someone because they donated all the money that they would have used on political ads to a local charity and actually made public appearances or held an actual debate, rather than depending on commercials and flyers stuffed in my mailbox to spread their word. 
I don't want to cause an uproar of political emotions here, I'm just saying that I am thankful for my right to vote and plan to use it!  Those who know me know that I usually have an opinion and I will be sure to reserve my right to complain by voting tomorrow!!

Day # 6

This morning I am thankful for all the Sunday mornings I spent with my father.  We only got to visit every other weekend growing up, but on Sunday mornings he would get up and start fixing us breakfast.  I especially loved it in the winter, when the fireplace was roaring, we would all huddle around until it had warmed the house.  He would start with the coffee pot, then on to cooking.  Now, most of the time at my dads it was bologna & cheese sandwiches but not on Sunday mornings.  It was sausage, eggs, biscuits, and my Granny's homemade strawberry jam (in the summer we'd have tomatoes).  He would cook two fried eggs at time so we would all be waiting for our turn at getting eggs, but he always gave me my eggs first, always the gentleman! I miss those days and the old house in Fincastle.  Thank you Dad, for all those Sunday mornings and always giving me my eggs first. 

Day # 5

Among my many duties, grocery shopping is not on the top of the list of fun things to do on my weekend, especially with a 3 year old boy who doesn't like it much either.  On the trip to my local superstore this morning, in one hour, I saw a total of 3 grown women shopping in their pajamas.  Yes, folks, that right, I said three!  I chuckled to myself when I saw the first one, in spider web pajamas, and white summer sandals, which looked like she had been wearing them since Halloween.  The second one, obviously had just rolled herself out of bed 5 minutes prior to coming out in public.  By the time I saw the third I was tempted to ask her what exactly was she thinking! I mean come on!  Have these women no pride or shame?! It was quite obvious that none of them had taken a shower, then I wondered if they had even taken the time to brush their teeth.  Probably not....so being the germ-a-phobe that I am, I am thankful today for hand sanitizer and I'm most thankful for having the common sense and decency to go out in public clean and properly dressed.

Day # 4

This morning I woke, just wondering what the day had in store for me.  I get out of the shower and after I blow dry my hair and I see this one hair standing straight up on top.  I take a lean in closer to the mirror and what do I see?!  A GRAY HAIR!  I literally had to pick my mouth off the sink when I saw this thing!  I don't feel old enough to have a gray hair, but it's there, in all it's silver glory.  As I was beginning to slide into one of my moods, it hit me like a ton of bricks!  This is what I am thankful for today.  "How can anyone be thankful for a gray hair?" you say?  Well, because it made me realize how fast my life is going by me and how probably too soon in the future my whole head will be full of gray hairs.  It reminded me that I needed to stop wasting time and take full advantage of tomorrow.  So thank you little gray....I'm sorry I jerked out of my head so quickly!

Day # 3

Today I am thankful for this white chocolate mocha with a shot of peppermint and whipped cream....and that's all I have to say about that!

Day #2

So, I have been thinking about this whole being "thankful" idea today and all the things that I plan to write about in the future and I found myself, throughout the day, thinking of all the little things that I should be thankful for.  At first I was thinking about how am I going to come up with thirty things, interesting things, to write about.  Of course I am thankful for my family, my home, my job, warmth and water, there is no question about that. But as I was sitting at my desk I thought "Wow!  I am thankful for whomever invented that stapler, that paper clip, and that hole puncher!"  It sounds crazy, I know, I can actually hear some of you rolling your eyes right now.  But seriously, think about how many times a day you use those things and then think about if you had to do your job without all of those little inventions!  So today, I am thankful for all those people out there who had ideas and the drive and put them to use to make my life a little easier!

Thankful...

I have come to the realization that life is hard.  Like beyond complicated and difficult.  Like the hardest thing EVER.  A good friend recently told me that I should try to put things into perspective and I have been trying to take that advice.  So, I love a good challenge and I need to refresh my soul with a bit of determination.  If I fail, it will be publically, so fail, I may not.  For every day in the month of November, I am going to recognize something that I am thankful for.  It is the season to count your blessings, and that is exactly what I am going to do. So, on this first day of November, I am most thankful for (this is a no brainer) my son, Brody.  From the first flicker of his heartbeat I saw on the ultrasound monitor, over 3 years ago, I have been helplessly, unequivocally, totally in love with him.  He fills my heart with such pride and my soul with a completeness that I have never known before.  He is the first thing on my mind when I first open my eyes in the morning and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep at night.  I miss him so terribly throughout the day and I only feel whole again when he wraps his arms around my neck.  I had always heard that you really have no idea just what love is until you have a child.  I always thought "Yes, yes, I know..." That is, until I had a child of my own.  There is no love greater, it's beyond description.  And even though, as I type this, he is pretending to be a dog and is eating candy off the floor, with his mouth only, no hands...like a dog....he is what I am most thankful for.

Magic...

My dearest Auntie, who is more like a mother to me, bought me "Where the Sidewalk Ends" By Shel Silverstein when I was a young girl.  It's a children's book of poems and I memorized nearly all the poems, giggling all the way.  I held on to that book forever, but somewhere along the way between high school and marriage, I lost it.  I was recently in the book store looking for Halloween books for my son and found it there on the shelf.  As soon as I opened that book and slid my hand down the page, there I was, laying on my bed, with my feet criss crossed in the air reading this book at the age of nine.  I recalled all the pictures and most of the poems.  I have never felt so much like a kid again as I did in that very moment.  I bought it immediately and read the entire book as fast as I could.  It's kind of odd to think that the last time I read that book was when I was such a child, without a care in the world.  Nothing but homework to worry about...ahhh...those were the days.  It's funny how something like that can instantly rush you back to a time that you had all but forgotten, like a song or a smell can.  So here is one of the many I'd like to share:
Magic by Shel Silverstein
Sandra's seen a leprechaun,
Eddie touched a troll,
Laurie danced with witches once,
Charlie found some goblins' gold.
Donald heard a mermaid sing,
Susy spied an elf,
But all the magic I have known
I've had to make myself.

A look inside......

I always wanted to be a writer, more so, a song writer.  I'm not musically talented in anyway shape or form but I know good lyrics when I hear them.  I always said that if I were to write a book or a song it would be called "Heart Shaped Rock".  Since it's not likely that I will be writing a book or a song in the immediate future, it is the name of my blog (the closest I'll ever get to actually writing anything!).  As a child, I grew up in the country, always at a creek, somewhere.  Now, I'm sure I will get into the stories of my mother in the future....so let's just say for time sake that we don't have the best relationship, and leave it at that for tonight....but one thing that I do love about her is her ability to love any unique, quirky thing....little things that most look over.  She instilled that quality in me, as I tend to always fall in love with the broken, charming little things of the earth.  I remember seeing her look in the creek beds for specially shaped rocks, and seeing her excitement when she found a rock shaped as a heart.  I recognized that I picked up this habit years back and appreciate the lovely little rocks that were shaped by water and time.  The clover part of this equation is from the part of my heart that is my Granny.  I have always collected four leaf clovers, I have photo albums full of them.  I always thought that this was just something that I did but when my Granny's mind was slowly slipping away and we were seperating her belongings between the family, I was given a Bible (she had like 12!).  I could see that there were several "things"  stuffed inside and was more than excited to open it up and see what items she had deemed worthly.  There were many things, but to my surprise there were four leaf clovers placed between the pages.  By the look of these clovers, they were certainly older than I was.  I wondered where she was right at the moment she found them....how much younger was she?....still full of life.....enjoying the warm summer days.....if only there were a way to go back and see her right at very moment she found that special little creation that she valued so much to keep tucked away safely in her Bible for me to find years later.  So if you could see inside my heart shaped rock, you'd see it's full of many little quirky things including four leaf clovers.