Dreams

I am a vivid dreamer.  It feels like I dream all night long.  Sometimes I dream one long dream and sometimes I experience several different dreams in between waking up.  I dream so deeply that when I awake I can't determine the reality from my dream world, that I can be so overcome with emotion that I cry or am hyperventilating.  It can sometimes set the mood for my entire day.  Freud explained dreams as a manifestation of one's deepest desires or anxieties.  I believe that!

Last night I dreamed a familiar dream, one I've had plenty of times before, and awoke shaken and sad and in tears.  It left my mind reeling all day.  In this dream, we unexpectedly run into each other.  That rush of adrenaline bursts from my stomach, my heart is racing, just as it is every time I see you.  You see me, I see you.  Instead of you turning the other way as you normally do in reality, this time you approach me.  You don't say a word.  You just wrap your arms around me, hug me, smile that smile I miss terribly and kiss my forehead, lingering just enough I can feel your warm breath on my skin.  In that moment, I feel every possible range of emotions and just as quickly I feel peace and a calmness smooth over my entire body.  You look directly into my eyes, still standing close, and crack that grin and pull me in close. Your son was with you and he and Brody quickly run off a few feet away and start playing together.  Smiling, we walk toward the boys with your arm around my shoulders and my arm around your waist.  Finally.

I wake up.

Disappointed that I woke up, saddened it was only a dream, tears fill my eyes before they even open to begin the day.  All day I thought of that dream.  I thought about how desperately I want that dream to come true. I ache in desire for that dream to become my reality.  Even though I know it won't.  Ever.  What wicked game these dreams are playing on my heart.  I read somewhere that if you dream of someone that means they are thinking about you as well.  I am highly skeptical, but I hang on to that glimmer of hope that just as I lay awake thinking of you and what we could be together, that I still cross your mind as well.

Now, as I lay in bed, the soft glow of my laptop as the only light, I shutter to think what will enter my dreams tonight.  I guess I'll just say my prayers and see what awaits me in my dream world tonight.

Goodnight, sweet dreams....