Dear John,

In my dreams, I meet you in warm conversation.  You wrap your arm around my neck, pull me in and kiss my forehead.  I can feel your warm breath on my skin and I look up at you and you smile that smile.  You say nothing.  You don't need to.  I am safe. Happy.

But we both wake up in lonely beds, in different houses.

Time is taking its sweet time erasing you. You've got your demons, and, Darling, they all look like me.

I memorized your face like the words to my old favorite song.  Remembering you comes in echoes.  Moving on is impossible when I still see it all in my head, burning red.

I let it fall, my heart.  And as it fell, you rose to claim it.  My hands, they're strong but my knees were far too weak to stand in your arms, without falling to your feet. 

The playful conversation starts, I counter all your quick remarks, like passing notes in secrecy.  Now, I'm pacing back and forth wishing you were at my door.  I'm wonder-struck. I'll spend forever wondering if you knew just how enchanted I was to meet you.

Never a kiss nor a touch.  How can one be affected this much?  Behind every lyric you stand, every word I write that will never be read.  The mind is a canvas for what it wants to paint.  Your heart only remembers what it desires to.  But truth be known, it was real. You were there. I was here. Autumn leaves were falling down like pieces into place, and I can still picture it after all these days.

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it.  I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it.  I lived in your chess game, but you changed the rules everyday, wondering which version of you I might get on the phone each night.  There's a side to you that I never knew.  All things you said, they were never true. And the games that you played, you would always win.

Please forgive me for my sins.  Yes, I swam dirty water, but you pushed me in.  Now you will add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand.

And I'll forget about you long enough
To forget why I needed to...

So casually cruel in the name of being honest.

 I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here,
'Cause I remember it all....all too well.